WhenYourLoveFaded
by KickassHathaway
Summary: Everything is going wrong in the life of Guardian Rose Hathaway. The love of her life's love has faded, her best friend has suddenly turned away from her, everybody's been isolating her. What happens when it becomes too much? Will she overcome the darkness and grief or will she do what she never thought she would and it frightens the crap out of her? Rated T for minor swearing.
1. Love Fades

**OK, So this is like, the FIRST fanfic I have ever written. let me know how it is. R&R.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, though I wish I did. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead.**

"Love fades. Mine has."

And just like that, my whole world came crashing down.

Four words. It took mere four words to break me. To break one of the strongest Guardians around. I could already feel the waterworks starting to escalate. No. this couldn't be happening, not after all we went through. Not after all I did for him, for us.

My lip started trembling, and if I didn't leave soon, the tears and sobs that I had bottled up for so long would come forth.

But no. I could not cry in front of _him_. It even hurt to say his name now. Memorizing his face for the last time, I walked away. Not caring that I was interrupting the Service, or that everybody was staring at me like crazy, or that there was just a hint of regret on _his_ face.

He broke me. Completely destroyed me. He shred my heart mercilessly and left me alone to pick up the pieces.

I walked away.

Yes, I, Guardian Rose Hathaway, walked away.

Well, walk is an understatement. _I ran. _I ran, before the whole world could see me crying. Because Rose Hathaway did not cry. Ever.

Never, in a hundred years, would I have imagined that I, Rose Hathaway, would be crying over a guy. I ordered myself not to think about it, not until I reached the safety of the four walls of my room. I ran past astonished groups of Royals, Non-Royals and Guardians, not caring about them. None of them mattered. Only _he_ did. Dimitri.

I felt a jolt of surprise through the bond, as I ran past Lissa and Christian. She looked at the direction I was coming from, and her face hardened. She balled up her fists and shot me a Death-glare. I couldn't have cared less for her snobbish, stuck-up ways. Who was her best-friend? Me. Who was the one who always took care of her? Me. Who had given up everything for her? Me. And what was she doing in return? Runninlg to the love of my life and shielding him from me.

'_Thank You for your concern.' _ I thought bitterly

I ran up the steps and to my room, bolting it shut behind me and finally succumbed to my feelings.

Sobs wracked my body as I finally let all my feelings out. I don't know how long I stayed there, curled up in a corner on the floor of my room crying with everything in me.

The dreaded words pounding on the inside of my skull. _Love fades. Mine has. Love fades. Mine has. _

Maybe his love had indeed faded, but I still loved him with every fiber of my being.

'_What is your problem, Rose? Can't you see he's hurting? He doesn't want to see you! Get that clear in that thick head of yours. Stop being so selfish and start thinking about others for a change. It wouldn't hurt to feel something for someone, you know. You just stay away from him right now or you will have to answer to me.' _Lissa spoke through the bond. Oh, I was being selfish now? Well, that sure was news to me. Did she honestly think I didn't care about his recovery? I just wanted to smack some sense into that pretty-doll face of hers.

I knew it was the darkness speaking, but did it honestly matter? I had just lost the two most important people of my life. Another round of tears followed that.

Oh God, it hurt. It hurt too much. Was it something wrong with me? Was it I who kept driving people away from myself?

I don't honestly now how long I cried. It could've been hours, days, weeks, I didn't know. But I needed something to distract myself from the pain.

And just like that, I knew the answer. '_Physical pain to make the mental pain go away'._ Now I knew what Lissa meant by that.

I rummaged through my closet for my knife. I found it covered in dried blood from God knows when. I rinsed it and sat onto the cold bathroom floor, letting my head rest against the cool tiles.

With a weird sense of satisfaction, I slit my wrist open, letting out a dry, throaty chuckle. I staggered to my bedroom and sank on the floor, reveling in the pain.

I did not put up much of a resistance as the dark threads of oblivion pulled me under.

**A/N: So, how was it? Good? Bad? Horrible? Let me know. Reconstructive reviews are welcome. R & R!**


	2. A Sister Conflict

**Thanks for the reviews, guys. Sorry couldn't update earlier, exams going on... :(. R&R!**

"Rose! ROSE! Open up already! It's been four days! If you don't come out now, I'll just break your door and get you out. You've got to be starving; you haven't eaten anything for ages. Open up NOW!" Adrian's voice interrupted my oblivion.

Was he right? Had I really been locked up for four days? Without food? That had to be some kind of a record for me.

Anyway, I got up gingerly and walked to the door. God, I felt like crap. Where had I lost myself, Rose Hathaway, one of the most badass Guardians around?

I opened up the door, and knew immediately something was wrong. I tensed, but then I realized that Adrian was actually staring at me. And by staring, I mean ogling.

Oh cap, I hadn't cleaned up in days. Not to mention the dried blood that probably covered every inch of my exhausted body.

"Hey," I smiled weakly at him.

"Rose." It was the only reply he could muster.

"Umm…" I desperately groped for a topic to fill the awkward silence. Noticing his unusually dressy clothes I blurted "You look good."

A bitter smile finding its way up his face, he said "You too, if I may say so." As he gestured towards me, making my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I sighed, giving up.

"Okay, enough with the small talk, Adrian, what's up? I know you want to say, uh, _something_."

"Seriously, Rose? What's up? WHAT'S UP? Shouldn't I be the one asking you? Look at yourself! It's that bastard Dimitri, isn't it? You're letting him do this to you?" He raked a hand through his hair in exasperation. He took a deep breath, trying, and failing, to calm himself. "Look, I knew it was going to happen, but it's my fault I believed you wouldn't be affected by Dimitri coming back. I jut knew it wasn't going to work. It's okay, Rose, you know. I understand. I promise we can still be fr-"

Choking on my tears, I said, "No Adrian." I bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears. I cared for him, I realized. Seeing the agony in his eyes, I realized I loved him. Of course, I loved Dimitri more, but he had rejected me. And let's face it; I very well knew how stubborn he could be.

Dimitri was the past; Adrian is the present, and possibly, the future.

'_Love fades.' _The painful words rang in my head.

"Adrian, it's all my fault. You are my boyfriend; you have been loyal to me. I am sorry. Sorry for putting you through all this. I'm such a mess. You are free to go do whatever you want, but, just so you know, if you still want to keep things up, I'm more than ready."

Adrian, simply hugged me.

"I can never leave you Rose, don't you know by now? You're like a drug to me. I can't imagine life without you."

I just cried, while Adrian held me.

"Rose?"

"Hmm..?" I had a feeling he was finally going to say what was there on his mind.

"Tell me honestly, did you cut yourself?"

"Er.."

"ROSE! You can't do this to yourself! Go, you need to go clean up." He motioned towards the bathroom.

Sighing, I got up and went to the bathroom. What I saw in front of the mirror almost made me run away. A frail woman, pale and thin, with bags under her eyes. Her face was smeared with dried blood and her hair lay loose and tangled on her shoulders. There were scars on her wrist, the blood around it in contrast to the pale skin.

I quickly stepped into a shower, the heat relaxing my tensed muscles and started vigorously scrubbing myself. I brushed my hair till they shone and applied make-up to hide the bags under my eyes. I could do nothing about the redness, though. I pulled on a jeans and a long-sleeved red t-shirt, effectively hiding the scars on my wrist.

When I went outside, Adrian was still lost in thought. He jumped as I sat beside him but recovered, plastering the trademark grin upon his face.

"Ah, little dhampir, all cleaned up now, I see. Shall we go get some sugar and food in you? You know how I find skinny women scary."

"Watch it, Ivashkov. You know how scary I can be, fat or not."

I swear, I saw a glint of fear in his eyes as he shut up about me appearance. _'Smart guy'_ I thought.

All humor vanishing from his face, Adrian said "I'm serious little dhampir, you look like you are about to faint any moment." I sighed and let him pull me towards the nearest cafeteria. But on the way, we bumped into someone.

Lissa.

"Hello, Rose. Out of your room, I see." She said, her voice shaking with anger.

"Hey, Liss."

I tried not to blanch at the sight of the anger that kindled in her eyes. Through the bond, I felt a nasty coil of darkness, and tried pulling it. But Lissa seemed to realize this as well and just held on to it harder. I don't think she was trying to save me from the darkness either. She just wanted to hold on to the anger.

But probing deeper, ah, there it was. She was bottling up her anger over something. But as I tried to reach to the thoughts, Lissa slapped me.

_Slapped me._

Sweet, caring, kind Lissa just slapped me. In front of everyone.

It hurt. Not the slap, but the intentions.

"What the hell Rose? Can't you just stop looking into my mind as and when you wish? Can't I have a private place in my own head anymore? Do you just have to put your nose in everybody's business?"

"But-"

"You just have to mess things up for everybody, don't you? First Dimitri and now me. Get the fuck out of my life. You could be dead for all I care."

Oh, it hurt. It was agonizing to hear somebody you considered a sister talk with you like that.

I knew it was all Spirit, but, stubborn as I was, I tried to get my Lissa back.

"Liss, it's the darkness. It's not you. Give it to me-"

"Why? Can't I just feel like I do? Does it always have to be darkness? You are the one who is to blame. You are ruining me, Rose. And you are ruining what little progress Dimitri has been making too!"

'_It's the darkness in her. Don't get angry.' _I kept chanting in my head.

She was continuing with her rant. I tried to block her out. I was successful, for the most.

"HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!"

This broke through to my calm façade.

Without caring if anyone saw, or not, my fist connected with her face.


	3. Losing a Friend

**Thanks for the reviews, guys. You make me keep writing. R&R!**

I heard a satisfying crunch as I punched her in the face, positive I had broken a bone. But before I had much time to react I found myself on the floor, pinned by, _god help me, _Eddie. Well, apparently he still hadn't let go of his 'charge' for the field assignment, or he felt protectively towards her. Whatever the reason was, it didn't suit me.

Eddie was _my _friend. Or so I thought, since I'd been thinking wrong about many things now. Anyway, if seeing Lissa like she was hurt, then seeing the livid face of Eddie was beyond agony. Because Lissa was my charge, my best friend, my sister. But she was dependant on me. She turned to me for all problems. She needed someone strong, someone who could take care of her. Someone who was me.

Or, well, used to be. She was no longer the Lissa I knew. My sweet, down-to-earth best friend was lost somewhere in the royal bitchiness.

But Eddie? That was a completely different matter. He was my rock. He had helped me cope after the incident that occurred in Spokane. He was my shoulder-to-cry-on when I was feeling down, my big brother who wanted to protect me from everything. And now he had turned away.

That Eddie? I never thought my steadfast Eddie would ever turn on me.

But I guess there is a first time to everything.

Eddie still had me pinned on the ground. And I hadn't been able to do anything about it. So much for my badass warrior skills.

What's more, Eddie hadn't slammed me very hard, but it still hurt. A lot. Especially coming from him.

But no, it wasn't only that. Maybe it was the blood loss. Or the lack of food. Whatever it was, I didn't feel too good.

I shot Eddie a glare that would have scared away many, but it didn't faze him. I guess he really had become an excellent Guardian after all. Unlike me.

_Guardian Rosemarie Hathaway, who punched her charge, the last Dragomir, in front of everybody._

I was kind of surprised that it was just Eddie holding me down and not an army of Guardians. It had been a great breach of Guardian protocol. One that could possibly result in my suspension from guardian duties. Or getting somebody else as my charge. Or get a filing job.

'_Well, God, please don't let it be the last one.'_

I could handle guarding another royal. Hell, I wanted to guard somebody else right now, anybody but Lissa.

Eddie finally let me up, fir blazing in full-force in his eyes.

"I didn't expect this, Rose, especially not from you. You disappoint me. I feel ashamed to have considered you my friend."

_Three sentences._

_Twenty words._

That's about all it took to nearly shatter the remaining tatters that was my heart. One more blow, one more blow and I would surely crack.

What was happening to them? Why were they behaving like this? Why was I being alienated? Did I do something? I racked my brains extensively, but nothing came out of it.

I could brush-off Lissa's anger with Spirit. But what about Eddie? He was normal, or, well, as normal as any of us could ever be.

Or maybe….maybe it was me. Something was wrong with me.

Something in me made Dimitri's love fade, made Lissa hate me and made Eddie become an enemy.

So it was me. Maybe I was becoming crazy like Shadow-kissed Anna. Was Spirit finally getting to me?

Was I going crazy? More importantly, was I going to die because of this craziness? Was Lissa going to be affected? Even though I officially hated her, a part of me couldn't help worrying over her well-being.

'_Love fades. Mine has."_

"_You could be dead for all I care."_

"_You disappoint me."_

These phrases kept on pounding inside my head, beating my skull. This was probably what hell felt like.

No, this was what it was like to be inside the head of a crazy person. This is it. I am officially crazy.

Well, if I was going to die of this craziness soon, which I'm pretty sure I was, I would at least make it as easy for Lissa as I could. I owed it to her for saving my life after the accident, for being my sister for so long and for the old times' sake.

Black spots were already clouding my vision as, with all the strength I could muster, I wiped Lissa's mind clean of all darkness.

**Oooohhh…what do you thinks' going to happen now? Any guesses? Ideas and suggestions are also welcome. Review!**


	4. The Darkness Within

**Thanks for the reviews, everybody! I try to write faster for all of you. **

Seconds before I had succumbed to the darkness, I yelled at Eddie to take Lissa and Adrian and run. Or maybe I didn't. Whatever. I couldn't see the right now.

But I kind of wished I could.

So that I could take my revenge. From all of them. Dimitri. Lissa. Eddie. Adrian. Well, maybe not really Adrian so much. But still, he had hurt me.

'_No, Rose, this isn't you, it's the darkness.' I tried chanting in my head._

I thought maybe by saying this I would get calm, get back my sanity. But I was mistaken.

Just as my sanity seemed to be in my range, I let go of it.

Darkness surrounded me. It controlled my mind, my whole being.

I wanted death.

Then I remembered seeing Lissa's face as she ran. Scared. Of me.

Lissa, my best friend, was scared of me.

That almost brought me back to reality.

Until I realized her nose was no longer broken. She didn't even sport a bruise. Must be Adrian's doing.

'_Well, well, Adrian, you shouldn't have helped poor Lissa, now you will have to pay for what you did.'_

'_No, Rose, this isn't you, it's the darkness. No, Rose, this isn't you, it's the darkness.'_

'_Kill them. Kill them all. Each one of them. One by one. Rip them to shreds. Cause them the pain they caused you. Kill them.'_

'_It's the darkness Rose, control yourself, don't let it overcome you.'_

'_Kill them.'_

This mental war waging inside my head made me dizzy. And tired.

My feet automatically started taking me towards the cafeteria, where, I was sure, Eddie had taken Lissa and Adrian. And I couldn't seem to stop them.

'_Rose, control it. Don't go there.'_

I tried to listen to my mental voice but the darkness was overpowering.

'_Go to them. Take your revenge. Avenge all the pain you had to go through. Torture them, make them suffer for what they did to you, Rose.'_

'_Rose, NO!' _I was almost at the cafeteria when I finally stopped myself.

Backing away two steps, horrified, I ran to my room.

What was the first lesson Dimitri taught me? Yeah. Run. As hard and a fast as you can.

I burst into my room and bolted the door. And finally, I let the darkness overpower me.

I saw red.

Yeah, well, that's what too much of darkness does to you.

And, it being the only outlet for my emotions, I punched the wall. And again. And again. It may have been seconds, minutes or hours. I don't know. But I kept punching.

With each punch a bit, though a tiny one, of darkness left my mind.

But I punched counting them '_One, Two, Three, Four …ninety-one, ninety two….two-hundred-and-four, two-hundred and five…five-hundred-one, five-hundred two…one thousand one, one thousand two….'_

I guess I lost track after that. But it didn't matter; the numbers soothed my agitated and mess-up mind. The punches hurt at first, but eventually my hand just numbed. My knuckles bled profusely, and from the sharp pain in my wrist, I had broken a bone.

And the wall, well, let's just say it was a bloody mess. Okay, that was an understatement. Blood covered every inch of it, making it look like it had been painted a blood red.

I pointedly ignored my hands, afraid of what I would see.

'_Surely, surely it wouldn't be worse than the wall.' _I stupidly thought.

But boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. It was grisly. Disgusting. Gross. Pick a horrible word and that was it.

My hand looked like it had been made of blood due to the layers and layers of blood, fresh and dried, that stuck on it. The blood extended in trails up my arm, right to the shirt, soaking a bit of it. After the recent blood loss and lack of food, I was kind of surprised I had this much blood left in my body.

This was the final straw.

I couldn't take it anymore. This pain. This- this heartache, this feeling of unwantedness.

So, finally drained of energy and free of darkness, I did the only thing I could do. I cried. And not the tears-down-my-face crying, the actual sobbing, clawing-my-eyes-out crying.

I cried for everything I'd lost, everything that was lost to me. I cried for the simple times with me and Lissa in Portland. I cried, dreading that night Dimitri came to take us back, I cried for regretting ever falling in love with him, I cried for when he was turned Strigoi, I cried for when I left my Lissa alone, for hurting Arian, for when Dimitri's love faded, for my fight with Lissa, for losing my friends. I cried for everything bad in my life. I cried I was destined to become a Guardian an put my feelings aside.

I cried for being Rose Hathaway.

When finally me eyes had run dry, I stopped choking on my sobs, I checked in on Lissa through the bond. And what I saw astounded me. Her mind was filled with hatred towards me.

I had taken away all her darkness with great cost to myself, hadn't I done enough?

'_You could be dead for all I care.' _Her words rang in my head in a startlingly cold voice.

'_Yeah? Dead? I'll show you dead, Lissa, I swear to it.'_

**So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Just let me know. Any guesses on wht's going to happen next?**

**R&R!**


	5. Wish for Death

_**Guys, please review. It gives me the will to write. So the more you review the faster I write.**_

'_You want dead, and I will show it to you, Liss. Even if that's the last thing I'll ever do. Actually, it is going to be the very last thing I, Rosemarie Hathaway, ever do.'_

Yes, I would show it to Lissa. And we would see it how she liked it with me _dead_.

But deep inside me, I knew I deserved it. I had escaped death too many times.

'_The world of the dead will not give you up another time.' _Robert Doru's words rang eerily in my head.

But no, nobody really needed me now. Not Dimitri, not Lissa, Not Eddie. And Adrian? No, Adrian didn't need me and my sorry problems in his life now. I was broken, broken beyond repair. Dimitri had broken me. Nothing, not even Adrian's undying love could cure that. And Adrian was just too good a person; he shouldn't waste his life with a depressed and crazy girl, who couldn't even return his love. Stubborn as I was, I couldn't force the love between us. You either loved somebody or you didn't. There was no in-between. And I couldn't love him like I loved Dimitri ever.

Dimitri. He, too, wouldn't have to lead his life with the guilt of having me around, hurt and broken. He could lead his life peacefully and hopefully get his Guardian status back. He was too good a fighter to be wasted away. We couldn't keep wasting our resources like this. Sometime Queen Tatiana would have to realize this. Hopefully not after causalities from a Strigoi attack.

And Lissa. I sighed. She had been my sister, the one I who leaned on me, always needed my support. I did not come to know when she stopped her need for me and became the snobby Royal bitch she was. Once, I would have been stubborn enough to just knock some sense into her clouded mind, but not so now. I knew she could carry on now. Earlier, she had no one else to turn to. But now she had Christian, who loved her immensely and Dimitri, who had pledged his eternal service to her. At even the slightest gesture on her part, she would have these two at her disposal, ready to give their lives for her.

And then there was Eddie. My big brother, the one who always looked out for me. He was on his path to become an excellent Guardian. Staying with me wouldn't help matters. I would just end up tarnishing his stellar reputation. He wouldn't need a pest like me in his life. Hopefully, someday, he experience the joy love brought in his life too. And hopefully, it would work out. And hopefully, he would become a good Guardian one day. I'm sure he would be one of the best. Mason and I would watch him proudly from above.

Yes. I finally had decided. I was going to end my life. This world would finally be free of my burden. Nobody needed me. I was just an inconvenience, a bad name for the Moroi society. Yes, I know Guardian numbers were less, female Guardians especially so, but I wasn't helping anyone by living. Neither was I a good Guardian, nor could I bring myself to have a baby with a Moroi. I wasn't a good friend, not a good sister and not a good Guardian either.

My parents, Abe and Janine, no longer would have to look out for me, forgive my mistakes or even think about me at all. They had each other. Maybe they could even have another baby, one that wasn't anything like me. I wished they would get their happily ever after. Without me.

Suddenly, I knew exactly what to do. I cleaned up as much as I could and wore my Guardian uniform. I tied my hair tightly in place and put my stake in its holster. I knew if I tried killing myself in the Court, their advanced medical technology along with a little Spirit could heal me. And then they would have me on supervision so that I could not do anything like it again.

Ten seconds later, I found myself in the Guardian headquarters reporting to Hans.

"Hathaway." He grunted, sounding displeased. Apparently he had heard about me punching Lissa. Or maybe he was angry at me for not reporting for duty.

"Hans," I said simply, not bothering with titles.

"Tell me this, Hathaway, why didn't you report for-"

"I wasn't very well." I said quickly. A little too quickly, I guess. He suddenly seemed very suspicious. But judging from my pale and tired appearance, he deemed it correct.

"Oh. I see. Well, Rose, you can take another day off. You don't look like you're going to be holding up for long without fainting. You can take it easy today."

"Oh, no, that is completely unnecessary. But if you're that keen on me taking it easy, maybe I could do the patrols? It's been quiet lately." I said slyly. Playing on emotions never fails. I've learnt it the hard way.

"Alright, Hathaway, you can relieve Guardian Williams on the far east side in about half-an-hour."

"Thanks." God, our relationship had really changed. Earlier, if I would have said I was ill, he would have simply brushed it off, but now, he took me seriously. Maybe the fight with Strigoi-Dimitri had really changed his perspective towards me.

I went back to my room and plopped down on the bed, recalling all the good things that had ever happened to me. Lissa and me running away, the wonderful times, our coming back to the Academy, my trainings with Dimitri, the lust-charm that night, the lodge in Idaho, skiing with Mason, meeting Adrian, the cabin… my thoughts faltered there for a second, then meeting the Belikovs in Russia, meeting my father for the first time, my trials, me becoming a Guardian. That was it, I realized. Nothing had been good after that. And it had been ages since I had become a Guardian. But I guess I still hadn't come to terms with it.

Not when I was going to die. I had always dreamt of dying in battle. Always. Never would I have thought of suicide. But, well, it was much better than dying of craziness and in humiliation.

I would much rather die on my own terms.

Seeing my free time was up, I took out the knife I had used that day for cutting my wrists. It still had dried blood on it. I quickly cleaned it and took off to the east side of the Court. I plugged the earpiece we had to wear on, and took off. I relieved the Guardian on duty and took over. To my annoyance, he did not walk away immediately but stayed and made small talk. I tried to shoo him off, but, man, this guy was so persistent. When he finally stopped, he bent down to tie his lace, and then sauntered off slowly, as if trying to agitate me, which, I clearly was getting.

As soon as he left, I scaled the wall, with very little effort, when my earpiece buzzed for the routine hourly checking in. Hans' voice came. "Everything fine out there, Hathaway?" Well, now at least he would know something's wrong and the place wouldn't be left unguarded

But I didn't hear anything more as I threw my earpiece back onto the ground, jumped, and took off in a sprint.

**Okay…guys, do you want me to keep going on with Rose or do somebody else's point of view? Say, like Hans? If so, specify please. R&R!**


	6. Missing

**DPOV**

I was sitting in my room, wallowing in grief, thinking about _her_. Rose, it was always Rose. Nobody else reined my though like she did. I couldn't stop thinking about her eyes, those deep brown orbs that used to light up in excitement when she met me, those eyes that I could get lost in forever. Those very eyes from which that spark has been lost, making her seem hollow, lifeless and sad.

And I hated it. I hated her staring at me with agony in her beautiful eyes, her lovely face twisted in pain. I hated myself for what I did to my Roza.

Whenever I saw her, images of my time as a Strigoi would flash in m head. I had wanted to torture her, relishing her pain. I had wanted to kill her or make her mine for eternity. The worst part was, I hadn't wanted her for love, I wanted her for her skills as a Guardian, for my own selfish reasons. I wanted to use her to get to power. I made her a blood whore in the process. My blood whore. I still sometimes felt my teeth just to ascertain that the fangs were no longer there, checked mirrors to see if my eyes suddenly turned red.

I had been given back my Guardian status, but I still thought I was unwilling. Don't get me wrong, I want to rid the world of the evil of those monsters, but I didn't feel like I could live with myself for much longer.

Especially after what I said to Roza, the woman I am deeply in love with.

'_Love fades. Mine has.'_

The look on her face when those horrid words came out of my mind, so heartbroken, so pained, I would never forget that particular incident of my life. She had never even looked at me half as hurtfully when I hurt her as a Strigoi. Maybe, just maybe, she wasn't lying for my sake, maybe she just meant it. I had always been able to tell when she lied to me. It didn't seem like she was lying.

No, that was just me getting my hopes up again. What I did was too big for forgiveness. It wasn't, isn't possible to forgive something like that.

My phone ringing loudly snapped me out of my reverie. It was Hans. I sighed; he probably wanted me on duty or something. I sure as hell didn't want to do whatever task he assigned me, but, being the good Guardian I was, I picked it up.

"Belikov."

"Belikov, I need you to go check out the east side of the Court. I had Hathaway posted out there and am getting no replies since the past ten minutes from her. I need you to check and see if something's wrong with her. With the condition she was in, she'd probably be fallen over someplace. Help her if she requires it and answer back to me." Hans' spoke authoritatively.

My blood ran cold. Rose was ill. She wasn't answering. I had a bad feeling in the gut, something that seldom turned out wrong. I quickly pocketed my stake and went to the east side in a full-out sprint.

Right now, I didn't care that she probably didn't want to see me ever again, or that I swore up and down I didn't love her. I just had to see if she was alright.

When I reached there, there was nothing could find.

"Rose! Rose! Where are you?"

No reply.

Panicking, I started searching for her. '_No, nothing bad's happened to her. She's Rose Hathaway, strong and badass. Hans said she looked bad, so she is probably passed out somewhere from overexertion.'_

These thoughts ran through my head, but I couldn't ignore that feeling in my gut as she was nowhere to be found. I looked for signs of disruption, but couldn't find any. All I found was a discarded earpiece, probably hers.

"Belikov? Found anything?" Has' voice buzzed through my earpiece, concern evident in his tone.

"No Hans. She's not here." I said, my heart breaking as I realized, that if something bad happened to her, she would die thinking I didn't love her anymore. I never would be able to settle things with her.

'_No, Dimitri, don't think that! She's Rose, she's a warrior, she wouldn't die so easily. She'll come back, just like always. Battered, broken, hurt, she'd still make her way through.' _I tried to calm my agitated mind but couldn't, not with Rose in potential danger.

"Belikov, any battle marks? Blood? Scruff marks?

"No, Hans, nothing. No Rose, no battle signs, no wards broken, no blood, no nothing. Except for her discarded earpiece."

"All right, Belikov, your work is done; I'll send a team of Guardians for inspection of the place."

Dejected, I shuffled back living quarters, but abruptly stopped. I had to tell Vasilisa. She would probably be very frightened of all of it, but if anyone had the right to know about the incident, it was her.

I stopped by her living quarters, taking deep breaths to calm myself down, and rapped her door smartly. She looked surprised to see me.

"Dimitri, this is quite early for you. Do you need something? Did someone say something to you? Let me have a word with them. Just tell me-"

I almost smiled at her protective behavior. Almost. No way in hell was I going to chit chat when my Rose was missing."

"It's not that, princess." I said my face grave.

"Then what is it? Is it something to do with Rose?"

"Actually, it is."

"I knew it was her! What did that bitch say this time? I told her to leave you alone! Wait till I get my hands on her. I-"

I cut her off again.

"Princess, it's just that, well, she's missing."

**Review, review, review! The more you review, the faster I write, I promise. So…. How was the changed POV? Like it? Hate it? Let me know. R&R!**


	7. She's Gone?

**ADRIAN POV**

I was there, practicing Spirit with Lissa. She still kind of pissed me off for all those things she said to Rose, but the irritation was more due to the darkness than anything else. It was also due to my frustration for not being able to heal even a plant.

I was just going to rip my hair out in frustration, when a knock sounded on Lissa's door. "I'll get it." She said, apparently not trusting me and my grouchy mood with her door or something. I followed her anyway, curious to see who had arrived this early in the morning.

What I saw pissed me off even more. Great, about nothing's going my way today. That son of a bitch Dimitri was standing at the door. I would puke if I saw his face any longer than a second. Why the hell does Rose love him when there are much more eligible men around? Say, like me? Okay, maybe I was a little biased, but what could I do? The mere sight of Rose made me weak-kneed. Imagining the adoring look in his eyes for Lissa made me sick. How could he, even for once think that Lissa was responsible for saving him? That bastard. He had trashed the most wonderful woman in the world just like she meant nothing at all just after she went to hell and came back only for him.

Anyway, Lissa sounded agitated, so I went to see what the matter was. I arrived just in time to hear the icebreaker_. __"__Princess, it's just that, well, she's missing."_

I had a bad feeling that I knew who they were talking about, but I still had to ask, anyway.

"Who's missing?" I asked rather sharply. Lissa shot me an angry look.

Belikov sighed. "Rose." And with that one word he spoke, my world came apart. I tried to grope for anything, any piece of evidence that she wasn't really missing. God, I would have punched his sorry little face right now if he wasn't the one who had the details.

"What happened?"

"Rose was out patrolling-"

"They put her on duty?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, they did. Why is that so outrageous to you?" the Russian retorted.

"Look," I said trying to keep my calm. "You did not see her for days if you don't know why I am this enraged. The girl hasn't eaten in days! It's been, what- six days? Seven? Yeah, it has been about a week with no morsel going into her mouth. Combine it with the blood loss? Yeah, I don't get why she shouldn't be on duty." I said sarcastically. "And you want to know why she is like this? Because of you! Because of you, you sorry excuse of a man! Is that the way to treat the woman you are so 'in-love' with? She went through hell and back for you, Belikov. And what do you? Oh yeah, you throw it right into her face."

Lissa, who had been uncomfortably looking between the two of us, suddenly burst- "Don't talk to him like that, Adrian!" and immediately ran back to her room, sobbing. What a weakling.

And just like that, the Russian turned away, without a single word coming out of his mouth. Well, I hope he suffers. He deserves to. He's been such an ass to Rose.

Rose. I sighed. _'Where are you, my little dhampir?' _she was my world, my life, my vice, my drug. I simply couldn't survive without her captivating smile even for a day. The last couple of days had been hard for me, but at least I was with her. I was the one who kept her together, but barely so. Even being a Spirit user, I couldn't heal her. Not because I lacked in my abilities, but because the damage wasn't physical. She was broken, broken beyond repair. Only time could heal her wounds now. Or Belikov. But that stupid ass probably wanted to keep up his big bad male pride and won't give in.

But I was being eaten up with worry. What is my Rose had been abducted? What if some Strigoi took her? I knew all the evidence pointed towards her leaving on her own accord, but that didn't ease my worry.

She was known for doing potentially dangerous things, usually with herself at the greatest risk. I didn't know what she would do, where she go in this condition. It was killing me, not knowing where she was. I wouldn't rest easy till I had her here, protected inside the wards, preferably n my arms.

I needed to talk to her, to reason with her and make her come back. Hell, I would fall down on my knees and grovel in front of her if it came to it. But I would make her come back.

I tried entering her dreams, with no luck.

"Damn!" I exclaimed, just as I felt the familiar tug of a Spirit dream.

**Okay, I know you guys probably hate me for not showing what's up with Rose, but I promise the next chapter will be her Point of View. And guys, I really need reviews. I'm really sad with the lack of them. If I stop getting them I might even give up on the story. So just please… review. **


	8. Come Back

**And finally….. Rose Point of View!**

**RPOV**

As I left the Court, I knew it was only a matter of time till they found me, what with Hans already warned. I needed to get away from the Court, far enough that they wouldn't get to me. This was my last wish, to die peacefully. Though it was nothing compared to dying in a fight, at least I was going to die on my own accord. Adrian's word rang in my head.

'_One's marked with life; the other's marked with death.'_

This was getting exhausting and depressing, so I unsuccessfully tried to clear my head of all thoughts. It was depressing, really, looking at the beauty around me, weighed down by the knowledge that I would be leaving this all too soon. I wonder what it would be like, death.

Would I be painful? Would I feel the life slipping away from my being? And would Lissa, even if she didn't care, feel it when I would die? I hope not. Despite the pain she had caused me, and had abandoned me when I needed her the most, she was still my best friend, till death do us part.

I giggled humorlessly, knowing that death was very soon going to tear us apart. Well, at least it would be one worry less to her. Because while I was alive, even if she liked it or not, we could never be truly apart. She could never sever ties with me. But yes, dead, I could free her of myself.

It would do Dimitri some good too. He would probably be delighted to be rid of the weight of my favors on him. He could give his life a fresh start, without being haunted by his past. Because that was what I reminded him of- his Strigoi past.

Eddie, who had probably promised Mason to take good care of me, had obviously broken it now. I knew I shouldn't think f him that way, but his betrayal had been too hurtful for me to bear. I should be grateful to him for all the times he took care of me, and helped me out.

Adrian would probably be the one most hurt by this decision, but, eventually, he too would move on. And now, it was time to move for me to move on. I had o forget my past and think of what the future may hold. Would I meet Mason? I hope I do. Though, I know for a fact that he would be pissed off at me for giving up my life so easily. He would probably say- 'You never struck me as the suicide type, Hathaway.'

I sighed. I myself had never thought that I would be giving up on everything I knew so easily. With the parents I have, nobody would think giving up was any part of meager upbringing. But I guess that was me, always doing the opposite of what was expected. I thought wistfully of my wonderful parents, both with personalities that helped them achieve whatever they want. I just hope that they are there for each other when I'm gone.

Lost in my reverie, I didn't even notice where I was headed, until I found myself in the outskirts of Pennsylvania. Whoa, I didn't even notice I walked that much, but my legs did. I was actually so tired that I couldn't stand another minute. I looked for a secure location in the trees to rest, because, indifferent as they were, I still wouldn't put it past them to arrange for a search party, especially Adrian.

I settled down, under an enormous tree that hid me well. As I lay down and let the tendrils of sleep overtake me, it suddenly struck me that Adrian could be trying to dream-walk with me. I tried to put my barriers up and stay awake, but my sleep won. And, God help me, a Spirit dream materialized all around me. Crap. I so didn't want to deal with Adrian right now.

Speak of the devil, I thought, just as I spotted Adrian walking towards me. And I could do nothing to escape his glare, because he sure as hell saw the guilt on my aura. He walked right in front of me, towering over me with his height. But I refused to be intimidated by him and crossed my arms defiantly.

"Where the fuck are you, Rose?"

"Hey, did you just call me Rose again? This is what- the second time you've done that?" I said smugly. Even in dreams, I could be infuriating as hell.

His face hardened as he gripped my shoulders tightly. "Last chance Rose, tell me where you are. Don't force me to use other means." He spat out.

My blood ran cold. By 'other means' I knew what he meant. Compulsion. He would use compulsion on me. Though I was highly resistant, I was technically asleep and my walls were down. Adrian must be really desperate to get me back.

"Adrian-"I said, a warning note in my voice. I gave him the best glare I could manage. But he was so determined; I could only detect a hint of fear in his eyes. Plus, it was his dream; he could always have that glass wall between us to stop any attacks. Oh God, what do I do? Why did I tell him about the glass wall back then? I think he realized this too, and the fear dissipated.

"Rose, you know you cannot harm me in here. Just tell me where you are. I'll know either way. I just prefer the former. Last chance, Rose, or I am getting it out from you myself."

I know he would do this. But, hell, I am Rose Hathaway; I never go down without a fight. Never.

"Adrian Ivashkov, if you dare to even think for one more minute that-"

"Rose, you are going to tell me where you are." He said calmly.

Oh, yes, I would. It sounded like a very reasonable idea. Why wouldn't I do it? Of course I'll tell him.

"I-"

'_Rose! He's compelling you! Don't give in! He's compelling you! He is… he is…. What?'_

"Rose tell me where you are." Adrian repeated calmly, using more compulsion this time.

"I'm in-"

'_Rose, NO!'_

With that I broke out of the daze and gave Adrian a look filled with so much hatred, that he visibly blanched.

"I can't believe you just did that to me, Adrian."

"Rose, I –"He tried to explain, but I cut him off.

"I'll have nothing to do with you from now on. Thank you for your concern. This is the last you'll be seeing of me." I said coolly

"Rose, please come back. We'll sort everything out. Just come back … please." His voice broke at the last word as tears started streaming down his face.

I suddenly felt a deep pain in my chest, and a piece of my soul died, as I started to say,

"Adrian, I can't –"

Just then, the dream started fading very quickly as Adrian ran forward and grabbed my shirt, pulling me towards him roughly.

"Rose, no! Don't go! No, Rose-"

I jerked awake, only to find myself staring in a pair of dark eyes rimmed with red. It took me a minute to realize who this really was. I gasped, as I took in the features. My mind froze, my heart stilled and my jaw dropped to the ground. I blinked unable to believe what I saw.

My frozen brain could only conjure up one word.

"Inna?'

"Hello Rose. Glad you remember me." She said, with a smile that chilled my bones.

Oh, fuck.

**So, what do you think is going to happen next? And how's the chapter? Good? Bad? Let me know. R&R!**


	9. Revenge

**And here comes Chapter 9!**

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Some Guardian I was. I didn't even notice when people (or Strigoi) sneaked up on me. And look where it got me now. Pinned up against a tree by none other than a Strigoi. With my stake out of my reach. I sighed inwardly. Was I a magnet for trouble? I guess, because everything bad always seemed to happen to me.

In a way, I was glad then that I wasn't going to become Lissa's, or, for that matter, anyone else's Guardian if trouble had a knack of following me around. I had come to die, but not by the hands of a Strigoi. I would not submit to her and let her think she scared me. If I was going to go down by her hands, then I was going to go down in a typical Rose Hathaway manner.

I smirked at her. "Inna, how could I forget you, my most faithful servant? You know, I really missed having you in my room in Russia, getting me my pizza and cakes and the dresses that were sent to me. Though, I must say that you look quite different, kind of ugly." I truth I thought she looked sinister, but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of having already intimidated me.

Her jaw clenched. "Rose." She said sweetly, and by sweetly I mean what she thought was sweet. To me, she still sounded horrific. "How wonderful of you to think so much about me. How about we talk it over at lunch?" she said, showing off her fangs.

"The hell I will."

I shoved her out of my face, and landed a punch on her. I was grabbed from behind by another strong set of arms from behind. Damn, I was weak. I was weak right now and they outnumbered me. Not that it mattered. I would still fight with whatever I had in me I would not give up. Because I'm Rose Hathaway, that's why.

"You can't win, Rose, not with the five of us here." Inna cackled.

"What, did you, like, have all these arrangements made for me? I'm flattered." I spat out.

"Oh, very soon I'm going to have my revenge, Rose. A revenge that will make you regret you were born."

I sighed dramatically. "Man, do you guys do a course for threatening? Because you are totally unoriginal. I've heard the same thing, like, a hundred times, with all the Strigoi that I have encountered."

"Well, my dear Rose, I can assure you that these ones are going to be true."

"Yeah, that's exactly what they all say." I knew Inna was at the point of exploding with anger, so I continued my witty remarks.

"You know the only thing I find different with you? You actually made the effort to learn English." I burst out laughing.

Inna gave me such a glare that the Strigoi holding me backed away a bit, but it didn't faze me.

"Hey, was this your best? Because my death glares are much better, you know." I observed, not bothering to hide my smile.

I suddenly broke out of my captives' grip and took out my stake, plunging it into his heart before he even had time to register what had happened.

I immediately started fighting with another of the surrounding Strigoi and took him down. In a matter of minutes, killed another one.

Inna grinned, "Impressive, Rose, but is this your best? Mine is much better, you know." She motioned, and about ten Strigoi came out into the open.

"Did you really, think for one second, Rose, that I would come so unprepared?"

I snorted "This is your best? Hiding behind others and letting them do all the dirty work for you? That is shameful, Inna."

"Rose, come with me quietly, and we will not hurt you. Fight, and you might die."

"Funny, because that is exactly what I wanted."

"Come with us, quietly, and no harm shall be done."

"The hell I will." I said, repeating my words from earlier as I charged at the nearest Strigoi. Poor guy didn't even notice till he had a stake plunged deep into his heart.

I had another three Strigoi dead by my hands as the minute passed by. I saw all the six Strigoi charging towards me when Inna ordered them to stop.

"You are quite a feisty one, aren't you, my dear Rose? I see you won't go down without a fight. But I know you aren't going to be holding on for much longer. We'll eventually wear you down."

"I'd like to see you try."

"You would, now wouldn't you? Well, don't blame me, you asked for it." She cackled, as she motioned the Strigoi to attack. All six of them came towards me, and boy, were they fast. I managed to kill two of them, before the other four grabbed me from all directions so I couldn't move. Their grips were vice-like, it hurt so much.

Inna looked like Christmas had arrived a week earlier as she came towards me, looking insane with delight. She ordered "Tie her." I wonder how a group of Strigoi listened to her orders. She was young, after all.

The Strigoi slammed me into a tree, no surprise there, and I hurt my head. I knew blood would be on its way soon, but that didn't deter me as I glared at all of them tying me to the tree. My gaze lingered at the stake on the ground which had fallen when they grabbed me.

In no time at all, they had me strapped to the tree so securely that I couldn't even move my neck. Instead, I resorted to glaring at all of them.

"My, my, if looks could kill." Inna said, amused. "Let's see how long you hold up now." Then she slapped me. And again. And again. She slapped me with so much force, that I was sure she had broken at least one bone. The other Strigoi were staring at me in anticipation. They took turns in torturing me. One kicked me hard in the gut. Another dislocated my shoulder. Another pulled my hair so hard, it felt as if they would come off any second. Another pressed my neck, and cut off my oxygen supply for three whole minutes. They hadn't gagged me, taking pleasure in the noise I was making. I couldn't help it; I screamed as I'd never screamed before.

Then they took the torture a notch higher. They took out knives and started carving on my body. The pain was excruciating. How could anyone be so cruel, even if they were Strigoi? I still didn't know what her grudge was. As the blood spilled out of my wounds, I felt myself going dizzy. But I fought it. I wasn't going to faint on them. What they did after that made me gasp. They started sucking blood out of my wounds.

But Inna stopped them fairly quickly. This astonished me. I thought she wanted to torture me. But obviously not. She did want to torture me.

"She's mine to drink from." Inna hissed.

The other Strigoi immediately started arguing with her, wanting to claim their rewards and threatening to leave her alone.

"Okay, you can drink from her as well, but I'll go first." She finally agreed. My stomach turned, he thought was sickening. But, well, what could I do? Inna bent forward and slapped me when I made a noise of protest, and greedily bit me. A moan escaped from my lips as I felt the endorphins rushing through my blood, numbing all pain. Inna drank longer than she should have, and black spots appeared in my vision. Then she was replaced by another. And another

The black spots became too much, but I saw figures colliding and tried to keep my eyes open long enough to see what was going on. My exhausted mind couldn't make sense of anything happening around me.

"Just wait, I won't give you up another time. Be prepared to suffer." Inna's cold voice was the last I heard before the peaceful waters of oblivion dragged me under.

**So… what do you think is happening? Review!**


	10. Searching

**Guys I'm soooooo sorry for the long wait, but I had a major exam to give and hadn't studied at all. Thank You all for your wonderful reviews! They make my day. I promise I'll try to update faster now. R&R!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish I could, I do not own Vampire Academy. **

_**APOV**_

I woke up from my Spirit dream to a pair of brown panicked eyes looking at me. Huh. Why does he even care? He told Rose his love had faded; just after all she did for him. She put her future, hell, her life at stake for him. And how did he show his gratitude? Oh yeah. Kissing the ground Lissa walked on and completely ignoring Rose.

He does not deserve her selfless love, yes, I know Rose still loves him, and he fucking doesn't deserve it! He was the one who broke her heart, dammit! He is the reason she's not here. The very reason my little dhampir had to go through so much pain! I swear, if I had the ability, I would have handed his ass to him.

He didn't treasure her while she was with him, he pushed her away, and now he was panicking when she was not there!

I deserve her love, only I. who was it that never hurt her? Me. Who helped her when she was off to Russia? Me. Who was the only one with her after everybody isolated her? Me. Which is why I deserve her love. I would never have thrown her away like a used piece of garbage. I would have cherished her, loved her, made her feel special.

But first, I need to find her. I looked into Belikov's crazed eyes with hatred, seeing the question clearly in them.

"Yes, Belikov, I contacted her."

His face lit up like that of a kid's on Christmas morning. He gripped my arm so tightly that it hurt.

"Where is she? Is she alright? Why did she-"

"I don't know where she is."

His face fell, and he looked very close to wringing somebody's hair out. Probably mine. So I went on, before he could do anything to harm me.

"I talked to her in her dreams, she seemed alright, but, well, she didn't tell me where she was, she was being-"

"Rose"

"Huh?"

"She was being Rose. Stubborn as ever. Right?" Belikov spoke.

"Err, yeah, she was."

"Well, then, it's your fault! You could have cracked her; she's not invincible, neither from the mind, nor from the body! You could have made her spill her location, or you could have used compulsion for God's sake! You. Did. Not. Try. Hard. Enough." He said gritting his teeth. Man, he really was testing my measly self-control now.

"The hell I didn't! I tried compelling her, but she broke out of it. I tried intimidating hr, I begged her, but she didn't fucking listen! I did all I could possibly do!

"You did not do enough!" he yelled.

"Says the man, because of whom she actually left." I retorted.

His eyes widened, his expression enraged, at the thought of me accusing him. He was already out of control; this was going to get dirty, sure as hell.

"Oh, you're one to speak, you never really loved her, she was just a one-time stand for you, wasn't she? You walked her dreams just to save your face, but you don't really want her to get back! You don't even know the meaning of true love!"

That was it. The end of my self-control. Oh, I didn't know love, did I? I knew it very well; I even knew the pain and heartache of not having your love of your life love you back! He had enjoyed the privilege of Rose loving him back. Who had to watch them fawning over each other from the sidelines? Me.

Belikov had loved for the first time, and had received it back too. Lucky bastard. Bu when I fell in love for the first time, I received a cold shoulder.

Add Spirit to all that hurt, and my already barely- existent self control was down the rain.

And, for the first time in my life, I punched someone. Not just a weak attempt, but a real, full-fledged punch which would surely leave Belikov with a black eye. Unless Lissa, interfered, that is.

The Russian snarled and lunged at me, and I was sure it was going to hurt a lot later. I'd seen him fight. And however much I hated him, man, he sure knew how to fight.

"Guardian Belikov!"

A voice made him stop just before he reached me. I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding on to. Ah, now he couldn't hurt me. We had an audience. An audience that hadn't seen me punch him. Not that it mattered, of course. He was a dhampir, he was bound, but I, fortunately, was not. I was a Royal Moroi, the Queen's favorite great-nephew at that.

He shot me a death glare and I turned to see my knight in shining armor. Ah, Hans. He looked incredulously at the extremely pissed-off Russian.

"Guardian Belikov, am I hallucinating, or am I actually seeing you attacking a Moroi?"

"Nothing, Guardian Anderson. Lord Ivashkov here and I simply had a misunderstanding. We've got it cleared. Nothing to worry."

"Oh, _yeah_. Didn't look like it. Whatever, we don't have time to waste. We need to go search for Rose, and –"

"You are coming with us?" I asked him incredulously.

"Yes, Lord Ivashkov. I have come to think of Rose as a daughter that I never had. Ill-mannered, but good at heart. I shall not leave her alone in her time of need. She is an asset to the world. We can't lose her."

I looked around to all the people who had gathered and were going for the search.

Tanner, Castile, Belikov, Anderson, Lissa, Christian, Tasha, five other Guardians whose names I didn't know, and, to my surprise, Janine Hathaway. I didn't know she was at Court. Oh yeah, I saw that Szelsky guy that she guards just the other day, so I should have known she would be here.

She was pretty badass, just like Rose, so I had it on good authority that she would be getting an anonymous letter telling her exactly why Rose left when she did, and then _someone_ would have to fear his life.

We all piled in the black SUV's and set off outside Court in search for Rose. Time passed and I wondered how she had walked all this distance in such a short while. Well, she was Rose Hathaway, nothing was impossible for her, so I guess, yeah, walking would have been a piece of cake for her.

We kept stopping, hoping to find a trail, but we found none. We kept driving around in all directions, and I kind of zoned out.

I prayed to God, or whoever it is out there, to keep Rose safe until we found her. She was so pure and full of life and energy, seeing her hurt was painful. Agonizing. I would not be able to live with myself if anything happened to her. And, as much as I hated to admit it, Belikov would be tortured too. Whatever his mistakes, he loved her. Don't get me wrong, I will try my hardest to attain her love, but just saying that he loves her too.

The car screeching to a halt jerked me out of my reverie. I looked around, and my blood turned cold. One side of the road was smeared in blood. Just then, we heard a bloodcurdling scream. I knew her voice anywhere.

Rose was here, and she was in danger.

Oh, shit.

**So… how was it? Let me know? Review, review, review! Will try to update faster if you do!**


	11. Seeing her broken

**A/N: Guys, thanks so much for the wonderful reviews! I can't thank you enough! So, I know lots of you were missing me these last few days, so I promise you're going to be getting updates regularly from now on. And I am sooooooo sorry for my absence, many f you have requested faster updates, so I'm going to get on with it. R&R!**

**DPOV**

"AAAAAHHHHHH"

A bone chilling scream, which I knew was Roza's made me stomp on the breaks. Oh dear God, my Roza was in danger. All I wanted to do was jump out of the car and go to her, have her in my arm, see for myself that she was alright. Rose was here, within my reach. I had to get to her. Soon. But I knew I was a Guardian, and Guardians follow orders.

So I waited for Hans to sort out what to do. I knew we had to leave somebody with the Moroi in the car, and I hoped it wouldn't be me. I will not bear it. My Roza was out in danger, and I knew I was pretty badass. Much to their anger, Hans left Christian and Emil in charge of the Moroi. But thank God I wasn't staying behind. Personally, it seemed a waste to me.

But I knew that if my Roza was hurt, then having two Spirit users would be more than useful. The Moroi fire users weren't that bad either. If e encountered Strigoi, they would be essential. We need all the advantages we can get.

As we all leapt out of the car, I wished I had Rose's system of Strigoi detection, so at least we knew what we were walking into.

"AAAARRGHHH!"

Roza's voice came again, filled with so much pain, so much agony, that I shed off all my inhibitions and charged into the forest. I was aware of only one person that was right beside me. Janine. Of course, if I looked badass, it was nothing compare to what she looked like. Petite though she was, she had the power of a small truck, and her ferocious expression could make almost anyone cower. Now I knew where Rose got her death glare from.

What I saw almost made me falter. Almost. Roza was there, strapped to a tree, holding on to life by fragile threads. She was… mauled; I don't have any other word for it. She was in pain; she was probably aching all over. But being the warrior she was, she was holding on. Just like always.

'_Hold on a little longer, my sweet Roza, I'm coming for you.'_

I tore my gaze away from her and looked to the ground. Nine bodies were lying on the ground. And Rose was the only Guardian around. She took down nine Strigoi? Good Lord, that was … phenomenal. I glowed with pride at the thought that I had taught her how to fight. She had really come a long way. In no time at all, she would probably be the next Arthur Schoenberg. That is, if she survived this.

I was jerked to reality by a Strigoi charging towards me, and quickly started the fighting. He was young, true, but he was skilled. I threw him a punch, which he answered by a shove. I took out my stake and slashed it across his cheek. He tried to kick me, but I ducked and answered him with a roundhouse kick. He fell to the ground and I pinned him down, plunging my stake in his heart.

We obviously had the upper hand here. Out of the fourteen Strigoi that had come here, only five were alive when we arrived. And we were more than enough for that. I quickly ran towards Roza, to see a female Strigoi leaning over her, whispering something.

I reached Rose quickly, intending to kill that female, with Janine hot on my heels. She turned around to face me, a smirk on her face. My eyes widened.

Inna.

She cackled happily. The bitch. So she was the one torturing Rose. What did she have to hold against her? That Rose refused the food he brought? I snickered humorlessly.

"Dimitri Belikov." She hissed.

"Hello there, Inna." I snarled. Rose had lost her consciousness; she was probably waging an inner war for her survival. Janine, too, realized this, and left Inna for me, running to Rose. She unstrapped Rose carefully, took her in her arms, and then took off running.

I snarled, charging at Inna, but he saw it coming.

"Tut, tut, you've lost you touch, _Guardian _Belikov." She sneered.

"Sure I have." I said, feinting a punch, which she blocked easily. Fuck, she had trained. She was going to be a strong one to fight. And she had been turned long enough to get a lot of strength and speed. But she had tortured Rose. I would not forgive her for that.

"Why are you doing this?"

"What, this?" Inna laughingly asked gesturing towards the fight.

"You know exactly what I am talking about Inna, don't play games with me." I growled.

"Oh, somebody's angry now. Dimitri, exactly what are you referring to?" she asked with fake innocence.

"Why are you torturing Rose, dammit?"

I suddenly found her very close to me, staring right into my eyes maliciously. Her eyes were filled with… rage. She was angry. Livid.

"I want my revenge, Belikov, I owe you both agony!"

Okay, this was confusing. Like, really confusing. What had I, or Rose done that made her so irate? Well, to answer that question, Strigoi were always irate, but this was more. True, Strigoi enjoyed torture, reveled in it. But this was more. She was avenging something.

But I didn't know what that something was. I tried to recall what I had done to her? Because I was sure it had nothing to do with Rose. Nothing at all. No, it had to be something to do with me.

Hmmm…

Well, there might be that time when I ordered her to do my bidding, or maybe when I towered over her, or when I tried to kill her. But none of that would have resulted in this, I thought, remembering the sight of Rose's battered body, a sight that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Suddenly, I remembered something. Her trying to protect a Strigoi. A blond one. Nathan. I had a feeling it had something to do with Nathan.

Yes, I remember now, I thought I saw love in her eyes for Nathan. And I? I killed Nathan.

She saw the understanding flash in my eyes, as her face registered some pain, but it was soon gone.

"Realized our mistake, have we?" She snarled, baring her teeth.

I saw her change her stance, ready for the attack. I mirrored her, ready to kill the monster that hurt Rose. I saw her eyes dart behind me, and I sensed the other Guardians joining me. She was sadly outnumbered.

But before any of us could really react, she took off.

"I'll come after both of you!" were her last words to me.

Knowing that pursuing her would get me nowhere, I took off towards the car, where Janine had laid Rose. I guess Rose had just been sat there, for Lissa and Adrian came running out of another car, followed closely by Christian, all with looks of concern on their faces.

I sprinted towards Rose, eager to touch her, feel her wonderful skin beneath mine. I reached her, and took her hand in mine, only to realize she had no pulse.

No, this could not be happening, I just found her.

I frantically pressed my hand to her chest, hoping to hear it beat, but I was disappointed.

Because, Rose, the love of my life, the reason I live, my Roza, her heart had stopped working.

**Ooooh …. I hate doing this to them, but, well, how do you like the chapter? Poor Dimitri, he's going to be broken. What do you think he's going to do? Is Rose going to die? Is Spirit going to save her? What should be happening now?**

**Review and let me know.**


	12. No Response

**Guys, the reviews were totally wonderful. Thanks a lot! You know what, I'm over with my exams! Yaaaaaayyyy! I can update sooner now but my speed will depend on the type of reviews I am getting, so R&R!**

**Lissa Point of View**

The blood on the ground was terrifying me. I really hoped Rose was alright. The Guardians had long since left us, and I knew from the sounds coming that it was Strigoi we were encountering. Fear gripped me so hard, it was like it had grabbed me by my throat, and was slowly, but surely, squeezing the life out of me. I imagined horrible visions, the worst one being a dead Rose. No, I would not think that, I have to remain strong, for her. But, the thing was, I was never the strong one. It was always her who was with me, who supported me. I envisioned her covered in her own blood, cold, pale and lifeless.

A hand gripping mine tightly jerked me out of my reverie. It was Christian's. It was really comforting to have someone hold my hand in the time of need, someone on whose shoulder I could cry, someone rubbing soothing circles on my hand with his thumb, as Christian was doing.

And then, then I realized my mistake. It was never her fault. She was for me, always. She had always been my rock, someone I could confide in. She was the one who gave me a hug when I needed it. She helped me out in my weakest moments. She knew me like the back of her hand. She had spent her life learning how to protect me, how to put herself in the path of danger for me. She trusted me and always listened me out. She made everything alright. She gave up all her joys. All for me.

And the one time she needed something for herself, I abandoned her. I told her she didn't know what love was. But I was wrong. I didn't know what love was. What love is.

Love is not a boy carrying you off into the sunset, nor is it getting roses each day. No, love is something deeper, something purer, something better. Love is caring so much for someone that you give up everything you've ever known for them. Love is a feeling you feel when you put somebody else before yourself.

Rose gave me love. And I brushed it off like it was a mere piece of junk. I was the one who didn't know how to give love. I wasn't worth loving.

I looked towards Adrian, who still wasn't talking to me. Even party-boy Adrian Ivashkov knew how to love. Everybody loved somebody. Except for me.

"Shh, Liss, it's okay. She'll be okay." I hadn't realized I was crying until Christian brushed the tears away with his finger.

I started sobbing uncontrollably into his arms, ruining his shirt. He held me, murmuring soothing words in my ear. I thought of all the selfish, mean things I had ever done. To Rose, to Christian, to everybody.

"I'm such a horrible person!" I sobbed. Even Adrian looked a little concern, but I knew his mind was on Rose.

The Guardian that had been left behind with us came and asked if I was feeling okay and was up to healing, concern on his face. Christian waved him away, I'm not sure what he said to the Guardian, but he did not interrupt us after that.

My tears finally dried up, my throat feeling sore. I felt horrible for making all of them concerned for me when they should be concerned for _her_. Rose.

Her name was like a bucket of cold water on me. I instantly sat up, my tears forgotten, ready to help my best friend in her time of need.

"Have they arrived?" I asked Adrian.

Right on cue, Janine arrived, struggling under Rose's weight. The Guardian in our car immediately ran out to help her, with us following not far behind.

They laid Rose on the seat of the other car. I couldn't see her properly yet. I ran as fast as I could, every part of my body screaming at me, my lungs waiting for air.

Dimitri had already arrived when I reached there, but the first thing I saw was Janine's tear-streaked face. Oh no, this could not be good. This was the first time I was seeing her cry. Something must be really wrong. Dimitri was leaning over Rose, but when he shifted, my stomach lurched.

Rose looked….. Well, I don't have words for it. Her usually beautiful and radiant self was obliterated badly. She was ruined. And it was my fault. I had ruined her. I ruined my best friend.

Her lovely face was covered with blood. In fact, her whole body was covered in so much blood that I honestly didn't know where it had come from. I was paralyzed; the sight of her destroyed self keeping me locked. A gentle shake brought me out of my haze.

"Are you okay, Liss?" Christian asked me. I hadn't noticed when he came by my side, but then, I was distracted. I looked into his pained eyes, seeing his love for Rose there for the first time, not the romantic one, but brotherly love. Once, that would have made me jealous. Not so much now. My best friend lay in that condition all because of me, and I had to do something about it. I nodded weakly.

It was wrong that I should still have people worrying about me, when it was actually Rose they should be worried about. I saw Dimitri take her hand, wondering how it would have been if I had been there for her in her heartbreak.

He tensed, and I knew something was wrong. He placed a hand on her chest, and I knew what he was looking for- her heartbeat. But his demeanor changed drastically, he tried to calm his breathing and that's when I knew what was wrong. She had no heartbeat. She had no pulse. She lay cold.

I let out a strangled scream and shoved him aside with all the force I could use. I placed my hand on Rose's head, where the wound seemed deep, and with all the Spirit I could pull from within me, sent it towards her.

For a moment, I think it worked, and I eagerly waited to see her wounds heal, but nothing happened. I tried it again, but it didn't work. Adrian's hand reached out for Rose, and he tried too, but it didn't work.

My heart broke. No, this could not be happening. She was Rose Hathaway; she could not die on me. She was a fighter, she would come through. Always. I tried using my power again and again, until someone spoke up.

"Maybe you can't heal those which have been long gone?"

"NO! Don't you dare imply she is dead. She cannot die!" I shrieked.

"Princess-"

But I didn't listen. I pushed more and more power into her, but I was getting exhausted quickly. But there was no response. None at all.

What if she was really d-? No, she is not dead. I will save her. But spots were clouding my vision, and, as I sent a last burst of Spirit into her, I collapsed into somebody's arms.

Oh, Shit.

**So, Spirit is not working, huh? I bet that brought many of your guesses to an end. So, any other guesses? Review!**


	13. Death is agonizing

**Guys thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! I love you people! I see many of you liked the last chapter, but nobody really tried guessing what would happen next. Anyway, R&R!**

**JANINE POV**

I joined Belikov soon after I took down a rather skilled Strigoi. One was leaning over Rose, and my blood boiled. How dare they? How dare they take my, Janine Hathaway's daughter for their own and not expect to pay for it? I will make them pay for it. This one was probably the leader, and I envisioned slashing stakes across her body, reveling in the fact that she would be begging for a quick death. Anything to find relief from the torture.

The Strigoi moved towards Dimitri, and I gasped, my eyes widening. Rose was beyond recognition. Her usually pretty self was now just a bloody mass! The Strigoi moved towards Belikov, and I fought the urge to make her pay.

Rose needed me more. She needed her mother to be there for her, and no matter our rocky past, I would be there was my daughter, my brave daughter.

Somehow, I had always wanted a son, someone who would create a stellar example for others to see, who fought bravely, who could not be used. But now, I was proud of her, proud of my Rose, my only daughter. Proof of the love that was there between me and Ibrahim.

Shaking away all such thoughts, I made the most difficult decision of my life – I turned my back to the Strigoi, and instantly made a beeline for Rose, who was strapped to a tree, and would have been collapsed on the ground if it were not for the bindings.

I reached her, and cut the bindings with my pocket knife. She started falling, but I caught her just in time. God, she was so limp, her breathing was ragged, she looked…pained. I hadn't realized, until then, that I had tears in my eyes. I tried to calm myself, but it was not something I was used to. I was Janine Hathaway, master of self control, after all. When was the last time I had cried? I tried to remember but came up with nothing. Anyway, the thought that Rose needed me to get her to the Princess as soon as possible, calmed me enough to see reason and not have a break=down then and there.

I supported as much of her as I could, and half-dragged, half-carried her with me. I was panting by the time the cars came in my sight. Guardian Smith immediately ran to help me and easily lifted Rose in his arms.

That was one of the downsides of being a female Guardian and shorter than everyone else. You just couldn't lift heavy or large things. But that was the least of my concerns now.

I tried to take deep breaths, trying to put on the emotionless mask that always came so easily to me, but I somehow failed this time. The tears wouldn't stop, I wanted so much to see Rose's eyes open, hear her sarcastic comments, see her burning with life and energy.

Dimitri was holding her hand, when Princess Dragomir shoved him aside and began using her magic on Rose. But it didn't work. She tried again and again, until Lord Ivashkov intervened and tried it himself. Nothing worked on her. Both of them were on it until the Princess fainted.

But I didn't know why they were so panicked yet. In a bad breach of Guardian protocol, I pushed everyone aside, including the Moroi and took Rose's hand. My breath caught. Her hand was cold, so cold. Her skin was a deathly pale. I pressed harder on her wrist.

But there was no pulse. There was no life in her limp body, no sound of her heart beating. My heart shattered into a million pieces. My baby girl, my child, was lost to me, lost to this world. I turned numb. I couldn't hear, speak or focus on anything.. I vaguely remember someone helping me into the car, but I didn't remember getting to the Court and into the hospital.

"Janine?"

I turned around to see Princess Dragomir, her angelic face tear-stained and her eyes blood-shot.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

"I-"but I couldn't continue after that. I started sobbing. The true meaning of this all finally set in. Rose was dead. My sweet, wonderful daughter was dead.

Suddenly an image flashed in my mind. Me, leaving a three-year-old Rose heartbroken at the Academy. It had taken her years to forget that, and we had finally started progressing with our relationship, she had finally been letting me in, letting me be a part of her tough life.

And now, I had lost it all.

I quickly wiped away my tears. I had something to do first, before I could break-down again. Princess Dragomir had been there with me, tears coming out of her eyes as well.

"Excuse me, I need to get something done." I croaked, my throat sore from the crying. She nodded weakly.

I dialed a well-memorized number on my cell and hoped that the call would be answered.

"Hello?"

"H-hello." I choked out.

"Janine?" Ibrahim's concerned voice asked. "Are you okay?"

So he had picked up on my tone. Ah, Ibrahim, I had spoken exactly one word, and he already knew something was wrong.

"I- I'm fine."

"Then what is it?" He was getting really worried now.

I felt so bad having to tell him this, he had just got the chance of being a part of Rose's life too. I knew he loved her dearly. He would be heartbroken. Despite his mobster image, he genuinely cared for her.

I braced myself and said the next words.

"It's Rose."

"What about Rose, dammit? Tell me Janine! Is she fine? Is she ill? Tell me!"

"She-"The words stuck in my throat.

"Janine, please tell me… I need to know, please." Ibrahim pleaded, his voice so soft.

"I can't…"

"Does she need my help?"

"You can't help her, Ibrahim. N-nobody can."

"What happened, Janine? Tell me something!"

"Rose is, well that is, she is…" I couldn't speak any more; the anguish of losing Rose overtook me. I heard frantic shouting from the phone, but I couldn't answer.

I finally calmed myself, taking deep breaths. I looked back at the bed she was in, all the machinery still working, trying to bring her back to life.

"Janine, tell me, I need to know if something is wrong with our daughter." He said firmly into the phone.

"She is dead." I spoke, my heart breaking. I heard his phone fall to the ground.

Just then, a heart monitor started beeping loudly and erratically.

**So, what's going to happen now, huh? Any more guesses? Review!**


	14. A Few Loving Words

**I simply love you people! Thank you so much for those wonderful reviews! I mean, seriously, this is my first fanfic and all, so I really didn't expect it. But you guys rock! Anyway, you will be kind of frustrated after reading this one, but it will explain what is going to happen in the next chapter, which, by the way, is Rose POV, and shows how she's alive and all. R&R!**

**DPOV**

I held her cold hand in mine, shaking with silent grief. I didn't care if anyone saw or not. All I wanted to see was my Roza, alive and well, full of her wit and humor.

She hadn't died exactly, but was on the verge of death, she was on life-support. We had reached Court just in time, ten seconds late and she would really have died, though right now she was as good as. I couldn't control myself, the tears slipped out, and the sobs started building up in my chest. I let out a strangled howl, like a wolf crying out for his mate.

Yes, she truly was my mate. The only one out there for me. The only girl who could rule my heart, fill my mind and intoxicate my senses. She was the one for me.

I could hear her mother crying on a phone. Probably informing her father. How she could keep that much composure was beyond me. I had my head leaning on Rose's stomach, her hands held in mine, and was crying all my sorrows out.

I was Guardian Dimitri Belikov. Known for my composure, calm and rationale. I trusted my instincts, and worked on them. But why, why did I not listen to them when I was lying to Rose? That's true, I was lying in my teeth when I told her I didn't love her. My instincts screamed at me not to do that, but I had done it anyway. I had hurt her.

She was like a flower, a rose to be precise, who was dangerous, but delicate. Who could fight, but was beautiful. And I had shattered her heart. I had broken it into a million pieces and promptly stamped on them. I was truly a monster. Not Strigoi, but a different monster. An eviler one. Because when I was a Strigoi, I hadn't been me, I was being controlled by something greater than myself. But now? Now that I was a dhampir, I was me. I did those actions, and I, only I was responsible for them.

Funny, the only time I didn't listen to myself disaster occurred. Man, I hate irony.

But above all the self-loathing, misery and heartache, I felt guilt. Guilty for everything I had ever done to Rose. She was my love, and I was hers. She was with me, she fulfilled all promises, and I couldn't even keep one. I was a horrible person, a horrible lover. I didn't deserve her. She deserved someone better, who cherished her love, who treasured her attention and who made her smile.

Me? I had done none of that. I had taken her for granted, brushed her off, and caused her tears and sorrow. I had treated her like junk. I wondered what my mother would say to me. She had always taught me to respect women. I thought of what all my sisters would say. I was the best example of hypocrisy. Day by day, I was becoming more and more like my own father, using women till I needed them.

I had taken comfort with Tasha, made her believe I loved her. Then, I ran off to Rose, breaking Tasha's heart. I used Rose, and did the same with her too. I was truly a sorry excuse for a man.

Rose was here, in this condition because of me. Nobody knew that. Janine and Abe would probably kill me if they knew.

I looked at the love of my life, looking radiant even when almost dead I looked at the love of my life, looking radiant even when almost dead and whispered to her.

"I'm sorry, Roza, I truly am. I lied to you. Love might fade, but mine hasn't. Never had, never will."

I don't what my words did, but felt her life slipping away, as her heart monitor became erratic. No, she was dying! She could not die! She is Rose, she'll come through, right? But what is she doesn't want to come back? What if she's happy in the world of the dead?

But I didn't have time for 'what ifs' while she was dying.

"Rose! ROSE! Don't leave me, listen to me my love. I love you! Come back to me!"

Her breathing became hitched, her monitor was going crazy. But I wanted her back. I would get on my knees and beg her not to leave me.

"I love you Rose! Please don't leave me! I swear, if you do, I'll be right behind you!"

I could feel her getting away. I vaguely saw Janine by my side, but I took no notice of her. And in that second, I felt her life slip from my fingers and, with all the love I had, called her back to me.

"ROSE!"

And that's when it happened. Her body convulsed, and her back arched upwards, and then, nothing. She just fell back.

A doctor came running along with some nurses, and checked her up. No, she couldn't be dead, Rose Hathaway couldn't be dead. I knew I would lose it if she died.

My soul would die. Then and there.

"Guardian Hathaway-"

I braced myself for the worst.

"-she's not dead, but she's in coma."

I could see a small spark of hope in that dark world of mine. At least she hadn't entirely gone.

"But-"

Why was everything going wrong now? It is bad enough she's in coma.

"She doesn't show signs of improving soon. If she doesn't come to life we might have to let her go."

"NO!" I hadn't realized it was my voice.

Janine kept a hand on my shoulder, but I brushed it off. I was not going to let Rose die.

"She will come back, just like always."

"Guardian Belikov, I am really sorry but that seems highly unlikely." The doctor looked at me sympathetically.

"Why?" I demanded.

"Because she has lost all will to live."

**I am so sorry guys for leaving you hanging like this. But I promise, the next chapter will give you some insight as to what is really going on. And it is not the prince-kisses-girl-and-she-wakes. Something totally different. I don't think anyone has tried that yet. And don't forget to review!**

**PS: And I'm really sorry for not updating yesterday. You see, I post the stories at night and we had a massive power cut! So I'll update the next chapter today hopefully.**

**Waiting for the reviews!**


	15. Within an Inch of Life

**I am so sorry everyone! It's just that thing after thing came up and I didn't have the chance to even write the chapter. Anyway, enough with the explanations, I know you wanted to have a Rose POV so, here it is….. Oh, and we are fast-approaching the hundred review mark, so could you people please help and review?**

**R&R!**

**Rose POV**

I was walking. No, not walking exactly, I was gliding. There was nothing around me. Except for a light, a blinding light. I immediately used my hand to shade my eyes, when I noticed that it was smooth.

Smooth? How could it be smooth? Wasn't it supposed to be scarred from the many battles I had had. I was pretty sure I had at least one permanent marring on the skin of my hand. But why was I here in…? what was this place anyway? I tried to recall everything that had happened, but nothing was clear to me.

I remember Lissa, something about her and….Oh, God! Everything came rushing back to me. The fights. My leaving. Inna. The fight. And then, nothing. Just nothing.

I looked down, expecting to be horrified by the battle marks on my body, but they were not there. I wasn't wearing any clothes, and the skin was smooth and silky. I immediately felt self-conscious, even though there was nobody here.

So this was it, then. I was dead. And I knew what I had to do to attain peace. Get to that light. With a small burst of joy I realized that I would soon be seeing Mason, my long- time dead best friend. Though, I hope I got on clothes till then. I still could never get over his death, knowing it had occurred due to his love for me. And not just the friendly love, the romantic one.

I had always wanted to die in battle, taking down as many as I could with me. But, the way I had wanted to die in the end was anything but that. Still, I had fulfilled that dream, taking many Strigoi down with me. I wondered if I would meet their souls here, and if they would thank me. Would they be happy? Or would they be angry?

And, if this was the world of the dead, would I meet Lissa's parents? Would I also meet her brother Andre? Would all of them be disappointed in me? After all, the y had wanted me to become Lissa's Guardian, a position I had kept at stake numerous times. I hoped they wouldn't be angry for long. They would be the closest I would have to a family here.

And I knew for a fact that Mason wasn't angry with me. Maybe he would still love me. And maybe, just maybe, we could get back together again, that is, if I could manage to pick up the pieces that was my heart, and allow it to love someone again. Maybe I could experience love again, without hartbreak. Maybe Mason was the one for me.

Would I be happy in this world. Yes, of course. But am I happy leaving that world?

I don't know.

But, I guess I have to take a chance at this new life. Not that I knew how to back. There was only one way now, and that was ahead.

And so I began walking at a faster pace, eager to get to that hole of light. I could already see other souls like me, faintly, and I knew this was the place for me. I sped up even more, excited to see my new life with my old friends.

At last, when I was almost at the edge of the hole, Mason appeared in front of me. Naked. I had noted earlier that everyone in this place was naked, well, apparently, in this place clothes weren't in fashion. Oh, well, whatever. But Mason looked hot as ever. I drank him in, his eyes, his grin, his muscled body, while he did the same.

And then, hesitantly, he held out a hand to me. I knew that now, I would go to the world of the dead. This was what was called the soul getting peace. I could feel it in my bones, that now, I had severed ties with that other world and had come to the place I had belonged to since Lissa saved me from the car accident. I was going to be happy here. All around me, I started recognizing faces of those whose loss I had grieved. Guardians who had lost their live in battle, friends from St. Vladimir's and a few acquaintances who I didn't even know until now were dead.

They were all beckoning to me to come to the hole, to join them, to free myself of all worries. I had died, and I now belonged there. Among the dead.

I looked at Masons outstretched hand, and then at the loving look on his face. He had grown, and he had become wiser with death. I had to trust him. I gave him my hand. He smiled a full smile, bringing life to his face, and I wistfully remembered all the time we had had together. I had missed him, and, from the look on his face, he had missed me too.

Just as he started pulling me towards him, I lost his hand. And not was I just out of his grip, but I flew and fell a good ten feet back. It didn't hurt though; apparently there was no pain in this world. I looked at all the other souls to see that even they were shocked by this development. I got up and almost ran back to Mason, when I noticed bindings keeping me from him, taking me back.

"_I'm sorry, Roza, I truly am. I lied to you. Love might fade, but mine hasn't. Never had, never will."_

I froze. I knew this voice. Of course I did, I would know this voice anywhere. But he was calling me back. And I didn't want to go back. I panicked struggling against the binds. And I broke through them, I sprinted forward, to get to the hole, but another bind, a stronger one this time, pulled me back.

"_Rose! ROSE! Don't leave me, listen to me my love. I love you! Come back to me!"_

Dimitri's voice was pulling me back again.

"_I love you Rose! Please don't leave me! I swear, if you do, I'll be right behind you!"_

Oh, sit, Dimitri was pulling me back to life. But I would not let this happen.

"MASE! Help me!" I cried.

Mason immediately ran forward and cut the binds. He took my hand his and we both ran to the hole as if our life depended on it. I had almost reached the light, and was going to step into it, when another bind, an almighty powerful one, dragged me back. Mason looked back at me with pained eyes, giving up.

"_ROSE!"_

Dimitri called one last time. The bind blasted everyone away from me and threw me far, far away. I found myself in complete darkness. There was nothing anywhere. Everywhere was black. I couldn't see anything or hear anything or even feel anything. I was alone here.

Where was 'here'? Where was I? I started sobbing uncontrollably. Why? Why did this always happen to me? Why did I have to lose my happiness just after finding it again?

I cried and cried, until I knew no more.

**i hope this makes up for my absence. I still can't make any promises of regular updates, but I swear I'll try. Oh, and I wanted to clear that Tasha didn't sleep with Dimitri, but he led her on and then broke her heart in Frost Bite. And, I am hoping to clear the hundred review mark with this chapter, so guys please review!**


	16. Agonizing Wait

**Thank you for your awesome reviews! I really appreciate them! Though I am sorry that we didn't clear the hundred reviews, but no matter! I am sure you'll not disappoint me this time. And so I decided to update quickly. R&R**

**Dimitri POV**

This is all my fault. All of it. I am the reason she had to go through all that. Cannot even begin to imagine the pan she must have felt.

I looked up to the doctor and asked quietly, "How bad is she?"

The doctor looked back at me sympathetically and sighed. "You really don't want to know, Guardian Belikov."

"The hell I don't!"

"Well, then. If you must."

He opened a file and started searching for something, scrolling quickly through the many pages. Why was it taking so long? Did she really have that many injuries? I wanted to know each and every injury that she had undergone and feel the pain that had been inflicted on her. If, and only if I hadn't lied to her, everything would have been different, everything would have been better. Hell, anything would be better than this.

The doctor finally looked up, his face grave. She could not be that bad, could she?

"Well?" I asked impatiently.

"She has a heavy concussion. Her cheekbones are cracked, so is her jaw, a dislocated shoulder, three broken fingers, he right arm's bones are shattered, her lungs have been severely affected, her spinal cord has suffered minor injuries, her left leg is broken, so is her pelvis and her ankles, not counting the cuts and bruises all over her body. And she is under a coma where she might remain for quite a while. Personally, I think it's a miracle that she has survived this long. She should have di-"

"NO! She. Will. Not. Die."

"I can't make any promises Guardian Belikov."

I nodded to the doctor and went to Roza's bed again. Now that I knew of her injuries in detail, she looked even more horrific than before. Don't get me wrong, she is still the most beautiful creature to walk this earth, an angel, to be more precise. But the stereotypical image of an angel is far from describing Rose. She can more accurately be described as the angel of death. Fierce, protective, instinctive and brave, come to deliver the justice of heaven.

My blood started to boil. Yes, it was my mistake, but indirectly. First and foremost, Inna was the one who was responsible for this situation. She was responsible for the condition Rose was in. She had hurt her, and I would tear her to pieces for it. I would rip her apart and torture her till she begged for mercy. She hurt Rose. And nobody hurts her without paying the consequences.

But I would have to worry about that later. For now, Rose was the one I was concerned about. And only her improvement would be news for me. I would sit by her when she would wake up. Yes, she would wake up, I believed that strongly. If it were not for that belief, I would have been going berserk by now. Not that I was less agitated right now.

"Я отомщу за тебя Роза, это обещание." _I will avenge you Roza, it's a promise._

I whispered softly in her ear, hoping to get a reaction; I knew I had been the key to keep her from dying. It couldn't have been a coincidence that she had come back after my words. So I knew she could hear me, and I was going to make sure she knew I loved her. This was the only redemption I could have after those harsh words in the church.

I don't know how long I stayed there with her, my back going stiff in the uncomfortable chairs. Not that it mattered. All that mattered was Rose, and my love for her. Hopefully, she would forgive me for all the mistakes I made.

Those four words were the biggest mistake of my life. I would regret them for as long as I shall live. Even if Rose did forgive me, I would never be able to forgive myself. Never.

I felt a hand on my shoulder to find myself looking into Abe Mazur's concerned and grief-stricken eyes. Abe was Rose's mobster dad, half the reason why she had such a dangerous personality. I immediately stood up, and, as much as it pained me, walked out of the room, leaving Rose. I had to give the two of them some space. Or rather, one of them, since Rose was being as responsive as a statue. Maybe her father could bring her out of coma. They loved each other dearly, after all. But I knew that it was just wishful thinking. I knew for a fact that I was the one who triggered Rose's strongest emotions, and if I couldn't bring her back, nobody else stood that much of a chance. Rose would come by when she would be ready. And I was already going crazy without her presence.

I decided to take a walk and zoned out, only realizing that my feet were taking me towards the gym when I was standing at the entrance. I entered, and started punching the punching bag with all my might, taking out all my emotions on the poor thing. I finished, only realizing that I hadn't worn my gloves. I swore, and looked at my beaten up hands. Goodness, Rose was really rubbing off on me. I took a quick shower, the hot after doing absolutely nothing to calm my frenzied muscles, and then went to the hospital again. But when I reached I saw that Abe was still with Rose, and, not wanting to interrupt the father- daughter moment, with great self- restraint, I walked back to my room.

I collapsed into my bed, and fell asleep instantly, without even cleaning up my hands. Well, if Rose could bear that much pain and still survive, then I sure as hell could deal with a little stinging.

With this as my last conscious thought, I fell into a deep slumber that I hoped wouldn't be interrupted anytime soon.

**The chapter is a little short, but how do you people like it? should I do an Abe POV or something or would you prefer Dimitri? Let me know. And don't forget to review!**


	17. Rage

**People, its been AGES. In truth I had given up on the story. But looking at the reviews, I feel no matter how late, I shoud complete the story I started. So sorry. But, enjoy!**

ABE POV

I entered the hospital room, almost afraid of what I would see. Although I had prepared myself for the very worst, I still visibly flinched. My breath caught, as I looked at what those monsters had done to her. Her usual pretty self was nowhere to be seen. The ever-present energy in her body seemed to have burned out. Belikov was there, sitting next to her, holding her now pale hand. I hadn't even realized I had tears down my face until he turned towards me. I wiped them away quickly, not wanting anybody to see me weak. That was just me, I guess. Even in a situation like this, I wouldn't- no, I couldn't let my guard down. Ever.

I was Zmey, after all.

I imagined what Rose would say if she saw me like this. '_You never really struck me as the crying type, old man.' _She would probably remark.

A ghost of a smile flickered across my face, which vanished almost as soon as I strode up to her. Until now I hadn't even noticed Belikov had left us. Good lad.

But Rose…I have no words. Her lovely tan was now a sickly pale, her face tired and her body skinny. I landed on the seat next to her with a thump.

Anger boiled within me. The rage took precedence over my heart. I saw red. I had never felt anger so great. I was just about to get up and incinerate every fucking body who had hurt her, and avenge my daughter's state from them, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up to see Janine looking down to me, pale and stricken. Even like this, she looked beautiful. As always. Despite the all the ungainly flirting around I did, she was the one. The only one who saw me for me. Who got me. Who could see the pained guy behind the mobster image that was almost always covering me. The only one who loved me. And I did too.

And the proof of our love lay in bed right in front of us, battered and bruised.

"Janine…" I croaked, my voice cracking.

"She'll be ok-" I cut her off.

"No she will not! Even if she survives this, which I already am doubting, by the way, she cannot be okay until I rip all those Strigoi to shreds! I will hunt them down, and slowly torture them like they did my Rose and lead it to their death! I will avenge Rose, no matter what!"

"You think you're the only one who wants to do that? You think you are the only one who cares?" she was deadly quiet. "Believe me, we all want to, but we need to plan first. Steeping into danger without preparation is suicide. And right now? Rose needs her father more."

This calmed me down a bit, and I sat back down, not having realized I had gotten up in my anger.

"You're right." I finally said.

She looked visibly shocked. That was actually common reaction when I, or, well, Rose, agreed to something reasonable.

Rose. I sighed heavily.

My daughter, only eighteen, so young, but yet so brave. She really was my daughter. No, our daughter. I looked up at Janine to see her encouraging face.

"For Rose." She said.

Yes, Rose would hate to see me so broken. Well, I guess that would only be because she claimed to be Zmeyette. Or well, she was so accustomed to my daddy-villain image.

"For Rose." I promised, mirroring her words.

Well, I promised not to hunt those bastards down, but at least I had the right to know what exactly happened.

"Tell me this, Janine, why the hell was Rose outside those damned wards?" I asked suddenly. "I want an answer to that."

She snapped out of a reverie I didn't even know she was in, and looked at me levelly. "That makes the two of us." She said.

Hmm. So even she didn't know. Well somebody owed me an explanation. Somebody whom I had threatened to disembowel if Rose was ever hurt because of him. And I really hoped Rose leaving had nothing do with him, for his own sake.

Adrian Ivashkov had a very unpleasant conversation in near future waiting for him. I stood up once again, ushering Janine.

"C'mon. We're going to see him." I wasn't affected by the death glare I got from ordering her around. She was also remarkably confused, and of course, frustrated. Oh well, she wasn't the only who hated being out of the loop.

"Who in the world are we going to see?" she snapped, more annoyed than ever.

"Ivashkov." I replied brusquely. I really was pissing her off now.

"Ivashkov? Adrian Ivashkov? What has he got to do with any of this? You surely don't think…" her eyes widened, and fury contorted her face.

"Oh, I do. I am not sure though." I said quite honestly. "Though I do have a feeling in my gut that he knows something." In fact, I was sure. I didn't know how helpful he would be, but, I thought, my eyes glinting dangerously, that I would get it out of him. For Rose.

I strode out of the medical room, startling Belikov in wait for me to leave. I nodded at him, and headed towards the Ivashkov wing, Janine hot on my heels.

I bumped into, god help me, Princess Dragomir. She looked worried as well. Surprise, surprise. Well, she wasn't the only one. Sure as hell.

"Have you seen Rose?" she said, worry, and if I detected it right, guilt shone in her eyes.

So she knew what was going on. And she was guilty. She had something to do with it then. Well, I could hardly hit the last Dragomir. So I practically dragged her along with me.

"Mr. Mazur," she began, unlike me, polite. "I-"

"We're going to see Adrian, "I said. I knew no compulsion, but I had a talent of a different sort.

So the three of us, me, Janine and an unsure Vasilisa, headed toward his door.

I knocked raptly, twice. He opened, and boy, he sure looked bad.

Bloodshot, messed-up and drunk.

I kind of wished I could succumb to alcohol too.

**R&R!**


	18. And the Story gets out

**So, here's the next chapter, straight from Adrian! Review!**

ADRIAN POV

I looked up from my messily made bed properly for the first time. Bottles of all kinds of alcohol were littered across the floor. I'd have to tell someone to clean this up.

I sighed. I rarely consumed this much alcohol. Well, I did consume alcohol on a regular basis, but not so much all at once.

I only used it for situations when I couldn't bear it any longer. I was doing it to forget Rose. Too forget her extraordinarily obliterated body.

And my mind cleared. Once again. And once again, I had to feel the full extent of that burning pain in my chest. It hurt that she was almost dead. It hurt that she was tortured. It hurt that she was already broken. It hurt that it wasn't love for me that had driven her outside the safety of the wards.

I picked up my half-empty bottle of vodka, and promptly threw it against the floor. I sighed heavily, knowing that Spirit was raising that ugly coil of rage right now. I wanted to kick something. I wanted to break something. I wanted to hurt something.

Just as bad as I was hurt.

Well, I know it is kind of selfish to be thinking about myself at such a time, but I couldn't really help it. I plopped down on my fluffy pillows, suddenly wishing for my old life back. All of it. My carefree nature, the girls, the craziness. Not that I wasn't crazy now, but still.

But no, I contradicted. I wasn't really happy, ever. And I didn't know what love was. Or how great it was. Or made people do for it. I had never loved.

And I guess loving and getting hurt was much better than not loving at all.

I heard a sharp rapping at my door. I didn't want to get up. I wanted everybody to leave me wallowing, to allow me to mope at the wreck that my life was.

Oh well. I was really becoming a sucker of torture, just like Rose.

I finally got up to the noticeably louder knocking. And I almost fell. Disoriented, I grabbed a stray chair for support. Maybe I really was too drunk.

And I opened the door to allow in a very agitated Abe Mazur. So help me, this was Rose's father who had threatened me once to do all sorts of painful things in the case that I hurt her in any way.

But whatever his threats, he _was _pretty cool. Not that I expected anything less from Rose's father, but she _had_ to have got those genes from somewhere. There he was, in all his glory, teal blue shirt, matching tie, golden hoop earrings and uncharacteristically, a glint of anger in his usually calculating eyes. Well, that he could be excused for, seeing his daughter was hurt that bad. I actually felt sorry for him. Despite his bravado, he loved Rose with all his heart. They had had a rocky past, but now were in a good relationship.

He had to be hurting more than he was letting on.

Janine, was also behind him, with a determined look on her face.

Uh-oh. Looks like I am in trouble. What did I do? I racked my brains and came up with nothing. Well, these two were a pretty scary pair. The reason Rose was so, well, bizarre.

Behind them stood a nervous Lissa, shifting from one foot to the other, clearly caught in a moment of discomfort.

I was being intimidated. Nevertheless, I was nothing but polite right now.

"Abe." I extended my hand. "How nice to see you." I tried to put as much truth in my voice as I could, but he didn't seem to buy it. Whatever. Let's get this over with. I nodded towards Janine and Lissa.

"Er, I would have asked you to come in, but it's not very clea-" I started, but Abe pushed inside anyway. So much for formality. So we were down to business, after all.

Janie and Lissa followed.

"I want you to tell me why Rose left." He said abruptly. "You both." He added, looking at Lissa, who looked about ready to squirm.

Boy, he didn't waste time to get down to business. Badass. Seems to run in the family, after all.

Well, I had no reason to feel guilty. Wasn't my fault. Though Belikov was going to get in loads of trouble. Like I even care. I would actually just enjoy the show.

"I, uh-"

"Begin. No lies." He ordered.

I quickly glanced at Liss, who looked like she wanted to die. I almost shot her a sympathetic look. But no. not after what she'd done to Rose. I wasn't sure I could ever forgive her at all.

So I began. Right from the beginning.

Well, I didn't know the details, but I knew more than anybody. As the story went on, their faces turned more and more incredulous. At one point Abe even kicked a bottle, shattering it to pieces in his anger.

Lissa shed a few tears. In the end she could not stop her hysterics. This was the first time she heard everything. It didn't help matters that Abe was now shooting her menacing looks. Or that Janine had fixed her with a level stare.

Well, time for payback, bitch.

Wait! Did I just call her a bitch? Well, seeing everything, she did deserve it, but where had that come from? Spirit, I realized. It was really raising its ugly head now, when I need to keep my head clear the most.

As I finished, Abe shot up and strode towards the door with Janine at his heels. Both looked, well, scary. There was no way Belikov could survive this. Time to see his Russian male warrior pride go down.

And they just left. No thank you. I stared at them, still astonished at the rapidity with which things happened. Well, not that I was hoping for a thank you, but it would have been nice all the same. I think Belikov's karma catching with him was a good enough thank you. I wanted him to rot in hell, and worse.

Karma can be such a bitch. Such a wonderful bitch.

I looked back at Lissa still sitting on my bed, looking pretty shaken. No way was that going to melt me.

"You can leave." I told her icily.

"Adrian, I-"

I held out the door open for her. Her face crushed, and she left.

Well, I didn't feel sorry. It was good for her, she had to suffer, she needed it.

**So how was this? Good? Bad? R&R!**


	19. Scattered

**Thank you guys for the amazing reviews! They made my day. So many requested me for a Rose POV, and I've done it. I'm so sorry it's so short, but I'm updating another chapter really fast. Continue R&Ring!**

ROSE POV

I saw dark. Black. And nothing at all. I was nothing. Everything. But who was I? Where was I? Why was I here? I cried in frustration. But no sound came out. I almost started crying, but where was the water? I couldn't even feel prickliness in my eyes. I was squatting in a corner. No, I was sitting. Am I sure? Maybe I was standing, or maybe floating…

I tried to see something. But all I could see was black. Wait a minute, what is black?

What…what does this word mean?

Word…where were these things coming from in my mind? I didn't know what a 'word' was…or, did I?

Then I saw a sudden light. A yellow light.

Light…light…light? What was a…

No, I wouldn't let myself get distracted. So I focused there. It was blinding. I shielded my eyes with my hands. But…where were my hands? Did I even have hands?

Why couldn't I do anything? Why didn't I know anything? I guess I should be used to this place by now, it feels like it's been ages, shouldn't I? Or should I?

I started walking towards the light, no matter how much it hurt. But I couldn't get up. How was I moving toward it? No, I realized, it was coming closer to me, rather than the other way round. Why was it coming to me? I shied away reflexively. And fell to the floor- ground? Whatever it was.

But what was the ground?

I-why was I so confused?

I don't know…

The light came closer and closer, till I could feel its heat and longer look at it.

And then it consumed me.

I let out a soundless shriek, which was yet so loud in fear. And suddenly, it felt like I was speeding somewhere…fast. Real fast. I was hurtling towards the ground now.

My thoughts grew clearer. More focused. Everything came back to me. Everything returned to my head.

And I returned to my body.


	20. Sleeping Beauty Wakes

DIMITRI POV

I had been pacing the length of my already small room, quite a few times. Enough, actually, to wear down a path in the mattress. Rose was in there with Eddie; I had traded for he wanted to stay with her for some time.

I sunk on my bed, my head in my hands. How? How could I have let this happen? I was a monster. And a very, very sorry excuse for a man, a man who claimed to be a badass Guardian, at that. What had I done to her? I had pushed away the only woman I ever gave my heart to.

I hurt her. I hurt myself. I was an idiot. Rose had given up everything she's ever known, for me. She had endangered her life over and over for me. In spite of all I had done to her as a Strigoi, she had forgiven me. What kind of a fool would throw away that kind of love?

The answer is, well, really simple. Me. I am such a fool.

I swear. To God, and to myself. I will run into her arms, tell her exactly how much I love her, kiss her till everything would be okay when, _if _she would get up.

My breath caught at the last part. My heart nearly stopped. No, she had to wake up. There was no way she could die. She was Rose, my Roza. She would come back to me, like always. She wouldn't let me down, like I had.

I set out a strangled sound. A wolf longing for his mate. Like I longed for mine. My Rose. I stood up, with a new determination in my heart. I would go to her right now. I would make her listen to me. I would make her wake up. She will have to listen to me.

She had to know how much I loved her.

I strode to my door with a new purpose, but I didn't open it. Instead, it was flung open by a livid Abe Mazur and Janine Hathaway. The two people responsible for the love of my life.

And two of those few people who could get me to be afraid.

Before anybody could do anything, Janine shoved aside a furious Abe and punched me right in my face.

I staggered backward. Remind to never mess with a Hathaway again.

She kept advancing and I found myself stumbling a few steps away. Till I hit the bed.

There was no escaping this one. In a flash Abe was by her side, looking as enraged as her.

They really had me cornered.

"Guardian Belikov." Janine stated icily.

Abe made no such pretense.

He grabbed my collar and pulled me roughly to face him.

"If anything at all happens to Rose, I swear to God. I. Will. Kill. You."

"You wouldn't need to." I blurted out.

"Huh?"

"I would kill myself anyway."

His eyes narrowed, the look of disgust on his face diminished slightly.

"She gave up her family, her friends, her career, her _life_, JUST FOR YOU!" Janine exploded. Abe looked at her, startled. I too stood at her my mouth hanging open. She was Janine Hathaway, master of self-control. It had not been very many times that she had broken down like this.

Oh, no, wait, I knew exactly how many times that had happened. Never.

"Regardless of Rose, I-" she abruptly stopped and looked down at her buzzing phone.

"Eddie. I wonder what he wants." She muttered.

"He's with Rose." I offered.

She got one look at me and picked up the phone. She paced around, getting more and more agitated by the second. Abe and I were looking at her avidly, anxious for news.

"I-what? Oh. Okay. Thank You." She finished, visibly relaxed now.

She turned towards us, a slightly happier look on her face, as she said, breathless, "Rose is awake. Sort of."

I heard no more. I ran to the clinic like I had never run before. I was aware of Janine catching up and Abe struggling to keep up.

I sprinted all across the lawns shoved open the door, and skidded inside. There was already a small gathering present. Lissa, Adrian and Christian were sitting there, along with Eddie, bending towards Rose.

I pushed them away to get a good look at her.

She was twitching, her eyes slightly open.

I let out a breath I hadn't even known I was holding. I was afraid I wouldn't see her alive ever again. I was afraid I wouldn't see those lovely eyes open again.

"Oh, Roza." I murmured.

Her gaze slowly flicked to me. I saw her eyes will with love for an instant. Then her breathing hitched.

"What is it, little dhampir?" Adrian bent over closer to her.

"Get- get him away. I don't want to see him. Please, Adrian. P-Please."

All of them turned toward me. Adrian triumphant and Lissa wore a look of compassion along with pleading.

"But-I, that is, I can't-"

"You have to. She wants you to go." Adrian snapped.

Everybody looked at me expectantly. My gaze lingered on Rose for one more second and then I tore myself away.

I slammed the hospital door, much to the disapproval of the nurse and sat on the chairs outside, hunched over, my head in my hands.

Rose, Rose came back. But she didn't want to see me anymore. She was pushing me away. Like I had pushed her away.

I buried my heads in my hands once again, depressed at the hellhole that was my life. I guess I deserved this treatment, though. I hurt her far more as a dhampir, when I had control over my actions than when I was a Strigoi.

I couldn't sit there any longer, knowing that Rose was awake, and, apart from that, so close to me. I couldn't bear to keep my distance from her. So, in a show of massive self-control, I practically tore out of the area to the gym, where I would have to vent my feeling out, after all. The only place, except for in front of Rose, where I could be my true self.

**Okay, now I feel really bad for him. But phew! Two chapters in a day. I think I deserve a reward. Just give me those reviews, okay? I promise to update soon!**


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